Aka, looking or being nervous.
The likely root cause of this trigger is the unknown belief that you, should get anxious about the thought or idea of looking uncomfortable around others or with yourself. You may think that looking uncomfortable is “bad” or not ideal for one or more reasons. Furthermore you likely dislike looking uncomfortable and never want to look uncomfortable in the future.
The key to eliminating this trigger is to realize that, yes, you probably dislike looking uncomfortable, but you don’t have to view the potential or actual reality of you being uncomfortable as a reason to be anxious.
Instead, you can know you dislike being or looking uncomfortable and be ok knowing that. This point of view is critical because it can be easy to think that things we intensely hate or dislike are things we should be or get anxious about. We take the level of hate almost as a rationale or justification that the anxiety is called for and should exist. When we knowingly or unknowingly think something like the thought of looking uncomfortable is something we should be anxious about, our body registers looking uncomfortable as “dangerous” and will trigger anxiety whenever we think about looking uncomfortable or enter a situation where we think we might get uncomfortable.
If you’re finding it difficult to accept that to overcome or get rid of this trigger, you have to acknowledge that despite disliking it and not wanting it to happen, it’s ok if it does happen, then you probably have 1 or more reasons (likely unconscious and unique to you) why you think you should be anxious at the thought or idea of looking or being uncomfortable. To address this, you will have to uncover these reasons so they are out in plain sight. Uncovering these reasons alone may dissolve the trigger. In other cases, uncovering these reasons will reveal what happened to you (likely in the past) that led to you tagging the thought of looking/being uncomfortable as something to be anxious about. You may, for example, find that you think you should be anxious because the anxiety is a reminder that you dislike it. When it’s all said and done, the likely primary reason you view the idea/thought of looking uncomfortable as something you should be anxious about is because you think the anxiety is helpful to you in some way. Because of this, you will likely have to create a new strategy or response to the thought or idea of looking uncomfortable that doesn’t involve using anxiety. If you can see that this new approach is more effective than the anxiety, you will find it easier to give up the trigger. It’s not always straightforward what new strategy you should adopt, but we recommend that you use whatever goals you currently have to inform what you do.
Eliminating the trigger: First, remember that the top goal is to be free of anxiety. Next, it’s important to recognize that whenever we (humans) get anxious or uncomfortable, we get anxious for one or more reasons. We can sometimes forget this and think anxiety comes out of nowhere or that there’s no identifiable reason for why we’re uncomfortable. To understand this better, read this.
In most cases, this trigger exists as a strategy to limit the number of times you look uncomfortable around others, but an often more effective strategy is to uncover and focus on why exactly you’re uncomfortable in whatever situation the discomfort arises in. You may find that there are certain truths and observations you are overlooking or refusing to look at. For example, some people have “friends” that if they were to really reflect on how those “friends” treat them, it may be in their best interest to terminate or change the nature of how they interact with those individuals. If the discomfort is from anxiety, then we suggest you uncover the root cause behind whatever triggered you. A resource for finding the root cause and eliminating an anxiety trigger is in the suggested reads section.
Yes there may be consequences to our discomfort/anxiety
No matter the consequences, you will only become more anxiety-free if you do the tough work to view those consequences as ok if they were to happen. This doesn’t mean that you like them or don’t want to avoid them with every fiber of our being. It does mean you’re choosing internal peace over anything else. If you don’t ok these consequences, then they will indeed be registered as things our body will trigger anxiety for. See why thinking something is unacceptable creates anxiety triggers. When you realize that anxiety happens for one or more reasons, it’s typically in your best interest to focus on uncovering the causes of your anxiety triggers instead of getting anxious at the thought of them getting activated.
Some reasons you/others see being uncomfortable as something to fear or be anxious about.
- Other people will be uncomfortable when they see your discomfort
- You may think that you aren’t allowed to ever be uncomfortable to be the type of person you want to be or achieve certain goals.
- You may think it means something about you (you’re flawed, something is wrong with you, defective, broken, etc).
Some reasons why it’s difficult to be ok with being uncomfortable around others
You think it’ll prevent you from getting what you want but this is not always true and may rarely be true. We recommend you read “How to get what you want” to address any misunderstandings that may be contributing to your anxiety.
Recommended reads for overcoming social anxiety (link)
There’s more
If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, low self-worth, or low self-confidence we encourage you to view our self-help solutions for these and other common psychological challenges.
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