Aka, looking or being nervous.
If you haven’t already, we highly recommend you first read “The psychological root cause of anxiety” before consuming the below solution. It’ll take less than 1min.
A likely root cause of this trigger is the unconscious belief that looking or being uncomfortable around others is unacceptable. You probably also dislike looking uncomfortable and would prefer to never look or be uncomfortable in the future.
The key to eliminating this trigger is to realize that, yes, you probably dislike looking uncomfortable, but you don’t have to view the potential or actual reality of you being uncomfortable as unacceptable or a reason to feel bad/anxious.
You can dislike feeling or looking uncomfortable without feeling bad about it. This point of view is critical. As humans, it can be easy to think that things we intensely hate or dislike are things we should be or get anxious about. We sometimes take the level of hate as justification that the anxiety is called for and should exist.
Think about it: If you knowingly or unknowingly think the potential or actuality of looking uncomfortable is something you should be anxious about, why wouldn’t the body register looking uncomfortable as “dangerous” and, as a result, trigger anxiety whenever you think about looking or enter situations where you might get uncomfortable?
If you’re finding it difficult to accept that to overcome or get rid of this trigger, you have to acknowledge that despite never wanting to be or get uncomfortable, it’s ok if it happens, you probably have 1 or more reasons (likely unconscious and unique to you) why you think the thought, idea, or possibility of looking or being uncomfortable is unacceptable.
To address this, you will have to uncover why you think being or getting uncomfortable is unacceptable or a reason to be anxious. Uncovering these reasons alone may dissolve the trigger. In other cases, uncovering these reasons will reveal what happened to you (likely in the past) that led to you tagging the thought of looking/being uncomfortable as something to be anxious about. You may, for example, find that you think you should be anxious because the anxiety is a reminder that you dislike it. Or, you may find that you use the anxiety to motivate yourself to never be uncomfortable in the future.
Ultimately, the anxiety exists because you knowingly or unknowingly think it’s helpful to you in some way. Because of this, you will likely have to create a new strategy or response to the thought, possibility, or idea of looking uncomfortable that doesn’t involve the use of anxiety. It’s not always straightforward to decide which new strategy to adopt, but we recommend using your current goals to inform what you do. Feel free to comment for help.
Eliminating the trigger:
First, check and see if your primary goal is to be free of anxiety. Next, it’s important to recognize that whenever you get anxious or uncomfortable, you get anxious for one or more reasons. It can be easy to overlook this and think anxiety comes out of nowhere or that there’s no identifiable reason for why you’re uncomfortable. To understand this better, you can read this.
In most cases, this trigger exists as a strategy to limit the number of times you look uncomfortable around others, but an often more effective strategy is to uncover and focus on why exactly you’re uncomfortable in whatever situation you’re in. You may find that there are certain truths and observations you’re overlooking or refusing to look at.
For example, some people have “friends” who aren’t helping them in any way.
If the discomfort is from anxiety, then we suggest you uncover the root cause behind whatever triggered you. A resource for finding the root cause and eliminating an anxiety trigger is in the suggested reads section.
Yes, there may be consequences to your discomfort/anxiety
No matter the consequences, you will only become more anxiety-free if you do the tough work to view those consequences as ok if they were to happen. This doesn’t mean that you like them or want them to happen. You may hate those consequences with every fiber of your being. It does, however, mean you’re choosing internal peace over anything else. If you don’t accept (be ok with) these consequences, your body will likely register those consequences as things your body should trigger anxiety for. See why thinking something is unacceptable creates anxiety triggers.
When you realize that anxiety happens for one or more reasons, it’s typically in your best interest to focus on uncovering the causes of your anxiety triggers instead of getting anxious at the thought of them getting activated.
Some reasons you/others see being uncomfortable as something to fear or be anxious about.
- Other people will be uncomfortable when they see your discomfort
- You may think you’re never allowed to be uncomfortable to become the type of person you want to be or to achieve certain goals.
- You may think it means something about you (you’re flawed, something is wrong with you, defective, broken, etc).
Some reasons why it’s difficult to be ok with being uncomfortable around others
You think it’ll prevent you from getting what you want. This is not always true and may rarely be true. We recommend you read “How to get what you want” to address any misunderstandings that may be contributing to your anxiety.
Recommended reads for overcoming social anxiety
There’s more
If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, low self-worth, or low self-confidence, we encourage you to view our self-help solutions for these and other common psychological challenges.
Looking for more?
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