If you haven’t already, we highly recommend you first read “The psychological root cause of anxiety” before consuming the below solution. It’ll take less than 1min.
The reality is that at any point in time, you might have an impulse that others don’t like or one that, in the moment, you don’t like. Although it’s undesirable, you don’t have to view that reality as unacceptable or a reason to feel bad. You have this trigger because you likely think getting or having an impulse you or others dislike is unacceptable. You can note and recognize that you dislike certain impulses rather than view them as unacceptable–which creates an anxiety trigger.
An impulse in itself doesn’t mean anything; it’s just an impulse. You may have been raised to think that certain impulses are “bad,” and if you ever have them, that means something negative about you. What is often overlooked is that these views of what’s bad or acceptable are from other human beings. People who think you should feel bad in certain situations are suggesting that their opinion is more important than the opinions of humans just like them.
The critical insight to remember is that these are human beings just like you, and because humans aren’t perfect1, other people aren’t always right. We suggest you determine what takes priority: what other people say or your internal peace.
Impulses have to first be acted upon
An impulse typically has no impact unless it’s acted upon. If you have an impulse you dislike, you can know you dislike it and decide not to act on it. Impulses can arise for one or more reasons, and with self-reflection you can uncover them.
Ultimately, you get to choose what you do, not your impulses. You can use your short-term and long-term goals to decide what impulses you act on and which ones you ignore.
To understand why you don’t have to feel bad if others do or would think negatively about an impulse you have, we suggest you read, “What others think isn’t always right.”
Recommended reads for overcoming social anxiety
There’s more
If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, low self-worth, or low self-confidence, we encourage you to view our self-help solutions for these and other common psychological challenges.
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- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beastly-behavior/201811/the-beauty-human-imperfection ↩︎
