Self-consciousness is the phenomenon of analyzing one’s actions against several real or imagined social rules about what is and isn’t acceptable. Self-conscious individuals often knowingly or unknowingly think they should follow these rules. Self-conscious individuals not only monitor their behaviors but often feel bad when they think they’ve fallen short of one or more rules/standards.
Do you have to follow all social rules or ways of behaving?
Yes, spoken and unspoken social norms exist — behaviors considered “normal” — but it can be overlooked that human beings–just like you–created these rules. It’s also overlooked that these rules sometimes benefit particular groups of people while causing harm (physically or emotionally) to others.
Overcoming Self-Consciousness
Overcoming self-consciousness requires 1.) uncovering the internal belief that there are universal rules that have to be followed and 2.) dismantling that belief by asking, “Do I have to conform to all these rules? Is there a reason I can’t pick the rules I want to follow and ignore the ones that don’t serve me?”
Why breaking free from social rules is challenging
One challenge is handling the possibility that people will label you with words like “weird.” Overcoming that concern requires you to challenge the belief that it’s unacceptable to be labeled/called things you dislike. Not wanting to be called words like ‘weird‘ tends to stem from the fear of being ostracized or kicked out of a group. This may be a valid concern, but with introspection, you may find that the group is not a proper fit for you.
Another challenge to breaking social rules is the often unconscious belief that doing so will hurt your chances of getting what you want. This may or may not be true. If it’s true, please leave a comment so we can work through your situation together. For clarity on what it takes to get what you want, read How to get what you want.
Some groups/people aren’t proper fits for you
When evaluating the groups you’re in, we encourage you to assess whether you get any benefits beyond just being a member. Other questions you can ask:
- Is there a reason the group exists and is together?
- Does the group exist to help one another?
If the group exists to help one another, do the social rules of the group benefit all group members?
If you don’t like the answers to those questions, it may be in your best interest to consider leaving.
You can be helpful instead
If your disinterest in following a group’s social rules doesn’t negatively impact others, why do you have to follow them?
Rather than following social rules you don’t care for, you can focus on being a helpful group member. Those who appreciate helpful members will value your helpfulness.
Self-consciousness drops when you no longer believe that you have to follow spoken or unspoken rules.
If you get self-consciousness in the future
You aren’t perfect so this may happen but because of the awareness you have now (from this post), you can laugh and work through the self-consciousness with more ease.
When people try to make you self-conscious
Some people may try to do this, and it may work for a second or two, but when you realize they’re a human–like you–trying to impose rules you don’t have to follow, you can know within yourself that you’re ok.
Recommended reads for overcoming social anxiety
There’s more
If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, low self-worth, or low self-confidence, we encourage you to view our self-help solutions for these and other common psychological challenges.
Looking for more?
If you’d like to dig deeper or want 1on1 help let us know. Otherwise, we suggest leaving a comment so our experts or someone in the community can help you.
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