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One group of psychology professionals defines self-esteem as “...your subjective sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes(1).”
If you find this definition helpful, that’s great, but you may find it more beneficial to understand why you want high self-esteem. The definition from the above psychology professionals would mean that someone who hasn’t had the chance to build skills/abilities they can be confident in would have low self-esteem. That definition implies that everyone will have low self-esteem at some point in time.
You may want high self-esteem because you feel bad about your current state of being. You may have idealized versions or unrealized goals and knowingly or unknowingly take the gap between where you are now and your ideal end state as a reason to feel bad or unhappy. Not thinking in this manner will leave one with more internal peace and, as a byproduct, allow one to improve oneself more quickly in pursuit of one’s goals.
Understanding self-esteem
Self-esteem is a word to describe the psychological phenomenon of someone being ok or happy about their current state of being. You aren’t perfect, so it’s possible you may not like your current state of being from time to time. This doesn’t mean you have to feel bad about being in an undesirable state. Rather, you can acknowledge that you dislike your current state and take action to change it, however you please. This way of thinking is more beneficial than wondering about or chasing high self-esteem. The true psychological benefits people want from ‘high self-esteem’ is likely to be at peace with oneself can be achieved by adopting the mindset shifts shared above. Leave a comment if you have questions or alternative points of view.
Summary
You don’t need high self-esteem; you just need to be okay with your current state of being, even when you dislike it. You can dislike your current state without feeling bad or unhappy about it. This way of thinking is what the Stoics preach. Neutrality.
Note: You may feel physically bad if you engage in activities that spike dopamine levels, like drugs or porn. Some people dislike how they feel after participating in these activities and, unknowingly, view their unpleasant feelings as a reason to feel bad about themselves. Because of how the body naturally works, it is perhaps unavoidable that you will feel physically unpleasant after partaking in dopamine-spiking activities, but it’s important not to view the physical unpleasantness as a reason to feel bad.
Yes, you may have done something you wish you didn’t, but you can stop there and use the physical unpleasantness as a reminder of the consequences you’ll naturally face when you fall short of a certain way you’d like to be. You will eventually dislike the physical or other consequences so much that changing your behavior will become easier over time.
(1) https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-esteem-2795868
Root cause limiting beliefs you may have to dismantle:
- “Something is wrong with me”
- “I’m Flawed”
- There are inferior people
