This fear often comes from an unconscious assumption that there is a universal rule book of human nature. Indeed there are religious texts that prescribe or suggest how individuals should live, but these texts were written by humans like you and I. Some of the writers of these texts claim they were inspired by God. How, though, is it fair that their God wants you to take them at their word rather than you having hard evidence of the divine inspiration for yourself?
This is not to say that insights in these books aren’t sometimes helpful. There are, however, people who read these texts and declare their interpretations as the absolute truth. Some of these individuals claim that their interpretations are from God but like we mentioned earlier, why would a God not provide a clear way for you to validate this for yourself?
There will likely come a time when you disagree with the ideas and interpretations of others. When this happens, we encourage you to remember that they are a human just like you. There is no reason why their opinion should be more important than yours. They are looking out for themselves, and we encourage you to do the same by following what aligns with your goals or what you think is right. If you don’t do this, you’re listening to another human and may be doing something that benefits other people but not you. Think of all the “gurus” that have harmed their followers.
How do you know right from wrong?
Especially if there is no human rulebook? If you let other humans define what is right or wrong, you are internally declaring that their opinion is more important than your own. Rather than fixate on right and wrong, you can use the law of fair exchange (which advocates for fairly treating yourself and others) to determine if something you want to do creates a win-win and helps you acheive the goals and outcomes you desire.
When applicable, you can use your internal sense of what you think is right to inform your decisions. Keep in mind: Until disproven, your life is about striving for what you want. If you aren’t striving for what you want, you may be striving for something someone else wants.
Some people knowingly or unknowingly believe in a human rule book
Because of this, some people may view your actions and behaviors as “wrong.” Some of these people were raised to label certain things as “good” or “bad” without understanding the reasons behind these judgments. If they knew why, a number of them might not even agree with the reasoning.
Overcoming this trigger (not doing things people expect or are commonly seen) will require you to no longer believe you should feel bad if people think you are “abnormal” or when you do things that go against a law others abide by or think exists. If you think you should feel bad or that their opinions are right, then you are likely elevating their opinion above your own.
Why their opinion doesn’t matter
Their opinion doesn’t impact whether you have the skills/abilities/etc that are required for you to get what you want. If the people passing judgment on you are truly impacting your goals, you can strategize how to address it.
For example, consider moving into a different environment that will make it easier for you to achieve your goals. Figuring out a strategy may take time and thought, but your efforts will often yield more psychological and physical benefits than doing nothing or thinking your situation can’t change. We acknowledge that some people can be in incredibly difficult situations.
Note that when you stop believing in human rule books, you may make those who do, uncomfortable. Their discomfort stems from their belief in something you don’t, which they probably might not have rock-solid evidence for.
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There’s more
If you struggle with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, low self-worth, or low self-confidence we encourage you to view our self-help solutions for these and other common psychological challenges.
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