Your views of how to get what you want may unknowingly be based on what you learned as a child or young adult. Since you’re older, your views and understandings may be hurting you rather than helping you.
For example, your philosophy could be a source of emotional pain.
The goal of this post is to help you change your thinking.
What does it take?
For whatever you want, it’ll often benefit you to identify if it’s something you can obtain with your efforts alone (ex: reading and studying for an example) or something that requires the involvement of other human beings. If what you want involves another human being, which likely means you will require something from them, it will often be in your best interest to ask yourself the question, “How do you get what you want from them?”
If you reflect on your life and the life of others, you’ll likely see that people tend to have wants and needs. This makes it likely that the person you want something from also wants something.
Give to get
To get what you want from others, you often have to give them something they want in return. What you give or offer often has to be of equal–or close–value to what you want or will be receiving. Some call this the law of fair exchange, explained here. This principle often plays out throughout life–like the buying and selling of items to others.
When you can’t provide something they want
In some cases, they may give you what you want without wanting anything in return. In other cases, they will give you what you want and expect you’ll provide something they want in the future. They may or may not share this expectation verbally.
A loan is an example of giving a person something now, like money, in exchange for something in the future.
When someone wants something you don’t want to provide
An extreme example is when a boss wants one of their employees to date them before giving them a raise. In situations like this, you’ll hopefully have a choice although it may seem like you don’t. You may think that if you don’t give in to the demand, you will not get what you want or reach your goals.
If you’re ever in this situation, we recommend you take time to reflect on your goals. For example, you may be able to achieve your goals in an environment (ex: workplace) different than your current one.
That said, you will likely also have to look within for what you’ll do next. To be frank, there may be short-term costs to not giving in to something you don’t want to do. You’ll be able to better handle these if you look at the long-term benefits–emotional, general well-being, and more–of doing what you think is best for you.
Strategize to get what you want
Getting what you want may not always be straightforward, but with enough time and strategic thinking, you can often figure out a way.
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Credit: Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash
