How to get what you want

Your views of how to get what you want may uknowningly be based on what you learned as a child or young adult. This puts you at risk of having views and understandings that aren’t optimal for your current age or the current societal times. In other cases, your point of view(s), could be an unknown source of emotional pain that’s triggered on a regular basis. The remainder of this post will quickly update your thinking.

Understanding how to get what you want

Whatever you want, you have to identify if it’s something you can obtain through your efforts alone (ex, reading and studying for something) or something that involves other human beings(s). If what you want involves another human being, which likely means you will require something from them, the question becomes, how do you get what you want from them?

If you take a step back, you’ll see that you currently want something from someone and are strategizing how to get it. A lot of data suggests that humans have wants and needs, so it’s likely that the person you want something from also wants something.

To get what you want from others, you often have to give them something they want in return. To them, what you give or offer them will probably have to equal what they give you. This principle can often be seen throughout life especially in the world of commerce. Some call this the law of fair exchange which is briefly explained here.

Sometimes, the people who have what you want don’t want anything you can provide them. Some of those people will still give you what you want despite that fact. In other cases, someone will make this exchange and expect you to provide something they want in the future. They may say this verbally, secretly expect it, or think that you’re the type of person that will return the favor in the future. A loan is an example of someone giving another person something now (money) in exchange for something in the future — typically the loaned money + interest.

When someone wants something you don’t want to provide

An extreme example is when a boss wants one of their employees to date them before giving the person a raise. In situations like this, you’ll hopefully have a choice. It can seem like if you don’t give in to the demand, you will not get what you want or reach your goals, but you don’t know that for sure because no one can predict the future.

If you’re ever in such a situation you’ll likely have to look within for what you want to do. There may be short-term costs to not giving in to demands but at the same time, there may be long-term benefits for your emotional and general well-being. With some thinking and strategizing, you can achieve your goals or get what you want in a different way.

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Any questions?

Credit: Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash