By self-conscious, we mean thoughts like “Do I look comfortable,” “I look uncomfortable,” or “I don’t sound confident or socially skilled.”
There may be several reasons why this happens, but an often core reason is thinking you have to deliver or speak “in a certain way.” This certain way isn’t always clearly defined but may exist in your psyche. If you don’t think you did or can reliably speak in this special way, you may unconsciously/unknowingly view that as a reason to be anxious because you dislike that reality. Other times, you may get self-conscious because although someone is asking or expecting you to speak, deep down, you don’t want to speak or don’t see value in what you would say.
There may be groups of people who suggest that you should think anything you say is of value, but why? You may have been in a past situation where someone is talking, but their thoughts aren’t helping advance the goal of the discussion or group. People are imperfect, so this can happen. This doesn’t mean the person isn’t of value, but the content of the message at that point in time is not helping others in the group. We and you have probably found that some people don’t always self-check if what they plan to say will advance the goals of the environment they’re in.
If you self-assess and determine that what you have to share isn’t that important, you will likely be less motivated to share an opinion. This shows that rather than something being wrong with you, you don’t like to share in certain situations for a reason. This is often overlooked but this awareness will help you stop viewing your unwillingness to speak up as a reason to be anxious.
There may be times when other people assume or strongly encourage you to say something. If necessary, you can politely tell them you’d prefer not to or respond in some other way you think is appropriate. To brainstorm ways to respond, we encourage you to leave a comment.
You don’t have to share everything about yourself
We (humans) sometimes have aspects of ourselves that we find interesting but don’t care to share or explain to others. You don’t have to view this as a reason to be anxious. Any rules you read or think exist about what you should and shouldn’t share were created by other imperfect humans. You know your goals and know what you’re comfortable with, so we encourage you to use that awareness to determine what you choose to do.
Self-conscious is feedback
That we aren’t focused on a goal we truly care about that requires our time and effort. If your ultimate goal in life is to be seen favorable by others, we would encourage you to reflect and decide if that kind of goal is fulfilling. Such goals are often planted in us from social media or from an upbringing where social status seemed to be the most important thing in life.
There are some environments where social status is not as important as other things like your knowledge, skills, and emotional intelligence.
So although being self-conscious is rarely desired, you can use moments of self-conscious to check yourself and ask, “What do I want right now? Am I focusing on the wrong things?”
The opinions of others and getting what you want
You may sometimes get self-conscious because you think that being seeing in a certain way is important for you to get what you want. In some cases that’s not true but if it is, we encourage you to determine if what you’re after is something you truly want. Depending on your life goals and personality, things that heavily rely upon what people think instead of something tangible that take time and effort to build or gain may not be the right fit for you.
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