By self-conscious, we mean thoughts like “Do I look comfortable,” “I look uncomfortable,” or “I don’t sound confident or socially skilled.”
There may be several reasons why this happens, but an often core reason is thinking you have to deliver or speak “in a certain way.” You may be unaware that you think this way.
Whenever you doubt you can reliably speak in this special way, you may unconsciously/unknowingly view that as unacceptable. Other times, you may get self-conscious because although someone is asking or expecting you to speak, deep down, you don’t really want to.
There are people who suggest that you should always express yourself but why? You may have been in situations where someone is talking, but their thoughts aren’t helping advance the goal of the discussion or group. People are imperfect, so this can happen. This doesn’t mean the person isn’t of value, but that the content of the message at that point in time is not helping others in the group. People don’t always self-check if what they plan to say will advance the goals of the environment they’re in.
If you self-assess and determine that what you have to share isn’t that important, you will likely be less motivated to share your opinion. This shows that in certain situations, there are valid reasons why you don’t like or want to share your thoughts or opinions.
There may be times when other people assume or strongly encourage you to say something. You can either politely tell them you’d prefer not to speak or respond in some other way you find appropriate. To brainstorm ways to respond, we encourage you to leave a comment.
You don’t have to share everything about yourself
You may have aspects of ourselves that you find interesting but don’t truly care to share or explain to others. You may be uncomfortable with this reality but it will be helpful to know that any rules you read or think exist about what you should and shouldn’t share with others were created by other imperfect humans. Since you know your personal goals what you’re comfortable with, you can use that awareness to determine what you choose to do.
Self-consciousness is feedback
That we aren’t focused on a goal we truly care about that requires time and effort. If your ultimate goal in life is to always be seen favorably by others, we encourage you to reflect and decide if that pursuit is fulfilling and emotionally helpful. Such goals are often planted in us from social media or from an upbringing where social status seemed to be the most important thing in life.
It can be helpful to remember that there are environments where social status is less important than toher things like your knowledge, skills, and emotional intelligence.
So although being self-conscious is rarely desired, you can use moments of self-consciousmess to check yourself and ask, “Am I focusing on my goals and what I want out of this situation or on something else?”
The opinions of others and getting what you want
You may sometimes get self-conscious because being seeing in a certain way is important for you to get what you want. If that is truly the case which we encourage you to first be sure of, you can also recheck if what you’re after is something you truly want. Depending on your life goals and personality, things that heavily rely upon what people think instead of other thinks like technical skills, knowledge, emotional intelligece that take time and effort to acquire may not be the right fit for you.
