The Anxiety Paradox – How We Uknowingly Make Ourselves Anxious

Research shows that humans use anxiety–often unconsciously–to benefit or protect themselves in some way. For example, you may use anxiety to motivate yourself to do something or prove that you don’t like something. In some cases, what you decide to be anxious about comes from what others say or what you observe others get anxious about.

Everyone has their unique reasons why they use anxiety but here are some common ones:

1. To force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do but think we should do
2. We think it would mean something — usually an undesirable trait — if we weren’t anxious. We pick up these meanings from outside entities or conclusions we’ve made from past experiences.
3. As a reminder that we don’t like something. This could be something we’ve done, something someone else has done, or something about ourselves
4. Motivate ourselves to continue pursuing a goal we say we want
5. Deep down, we may not actually want to achieve the goal but say we do for whatever reason(s)
6. As a tool to prevent ourselves from being a certain way or doing certain things we think are bad for us
7. Prove to ourselves or others that we dislike something or don’t believe in something
8. Motivate us to avoid being more unhappy in the future

Why does anxiety get worse as we age?

If we unknowingly use anxiety as a tool (see above), then it naturally follows that we may pick up new anxiety triggers at any point in time.

How are non-life threatening physical anxiety(fight-or-flight) triggers formed?

This is answered in our root cause of anxiety post.

How do we free ourselves from using anxiety for non-life-threatening situations?

Step one, which you’ve done by reading this, is obtaining the awareness that we can unconsciously use anxiety. The next step is to decide that you no longer want to use anxiety as a way to protect yourself. Instead of being anxious about things you can honor your wishes to be cautious. Even when others try to label your cautiousness as fear, cowardice, etc. You may also have to start listening and honoring your true desires over the desires and wishes of others. As you do the work of eliminating your triggers, you’ll naturally reveal the different ways you unconsciously use anxiety. If you have specific questions, don’t hesitate to reach out in the comments or in any of the solutions on Clarity.

Best,