Self-consciousness is the phenomenon of analyzing one’s actions against several social rules about what is acceptable and not acceptable. Often times, these are rules one knowingly or unknowingly thinks they should follow. Those who say they’re self-conscious tend to constantly monitor their behaviors and often feel bad when they think they have fallen short of one of these rules or standards (usually social). Unknowingly, the root cause of self-consciousness is the belief that there are social rules or ways of behaving that they must follow. Is that true? There are indeed, at times, unspoken social rules that people follow or at least seem to follow and consider “normal,” but what can be forgotten is that humans likely created these rules. These rules, at times, are beneficial for groups of people to follow, which is why they are considered “rules,” but there are also times when these rules only benefit a specific subset of people.
The recent surges in neurodiversity show how some of these social rules are emotionally and physically harmful to particular groups of people. Overcoming self-consciousness requires one to become aware of the fact that they think they have to follow certain rules and then ask, “Do I have to conform to all these rules? Is there a reason I can’t pick the rules I want to follow and ignore the ones I don’t like or care for?”
One of the blockers to ignoring social rules is that some people will label you with words like “weird.” If you hold the belief that you should avoid labels “weird” at all costs then you’ll probably find it difficult to break free from social rules you’d prefer to ignore. The root cause of not wanting to be labeled things like weird is likely the fear of being ostracized or kicked out of a group. This may be a valid concern, but you must evaluate whether you truly want to be in that group.
Are there any benefits to being in that group beyond just being in a group? Is there a reason the group exists and is together? Does the group exist to help one another? If the group exists to help one another, do these social rules benefit the group as a whole? If you don’t like the answers to those questions it may be to your benefit to think about exiting that group. If your lack of desire or inability to follow certain social conventions doesn’t negatively impact others, why should they care or kick you out of the group?
If following social conventions is what they want, then that might not be a fit for you. Instead of focusing on social rules you don’t care for, you can focus on being a group member who helps group members and the group as a whole. Those who care for having group members with that kind of focus or intent will likely value your ability to help the group more than what you socially can do. As a result, they will likely want you to stay in the group. It may be in your best interest to seek groups like that.
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