Self-consciousness is the phenomenon of analyzing one’s actions against several social rules about what is and isn’t acceptable. Self-conscious individuals often knowingly or unknowingly think they should follow these rules. Self-conscious individuals not only monitor their behaviors but often feel bad when they think they’ve fallen short of one or more rules/standards.
Self-consciousness is a result of someone knowingly or unknowingly holding the belief that there are social rules or ways of behaving that must be followed. Is that, however, true?
Yes, many unspoken social norms exist — behaviors considered “normal” — but it’s often overlooked that human beings–like you and me–created these rules. It’s also overlooked that these rules sometimes benefit particular groups of people while causing harm (physically or emotionally) to others.
Overcoming Self-Consciousness
Overcoming self-consciousness requires 1.) uncovering the internal belief that there are universal rules that have to be followed and 2.) dismantling that belief by asking, “Do I have to conform to all these rules? Is there a reason I can’t pick the rules I want to follow and ignore the ones that don’t serve me or I don’t like?”
Why breaking free from social rules is challenging
One challenge is handling the possibility that some people will label you with words like “weird.” Overcoming this obstacle requires you to challenge the belief that it’s not ok or acceptable to be labeled things you dislike. The root cause of not wanting to be labeled things like weird tends to stem from the fear of being ostracized or kicked out of a group. This may be a valid concern, but with introspection, you may find that the group is not a proper fit for you.
Another challenge to breaking social rules is the often unconscious belief that doing so will hurt your chances of getting what you want. We encourage you to read how to get what you want for clarity on this concern.
Some groups/people aren’t proper fits for you
When evaluating groups you’re in, we encourage you to assess if you get any benefits from being in that group beyond just being a member. Other questions you can ask: Is there a reason the group exists and is together? Does the group exist to help one another?
If the group exists to help one another, do the social rules of the group benefit the group as a whole?
If you don’t like the answers to those questions, it may be in your best interest to exit.
You can be helpful instead
Unless your disinterest in following certain social conventions negatively impacts others, why should that be so important?
Instead of focusing on social rules you don’t care for, you can focus on being a helpful group member. Group members who appreciate having helpful members will value your helpfulness.
Self-consciousness drops when you no longer believe that you have to follow spoken or unspoken rules.
Looking for more?
If you’d like to understand this condition more or want 1on1 help overcoming it submit a request to get additional support. Otherwise, we suggest posting in the community which our experts watch. Get help with your unique situation.
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