Dealing with perfect people

There’s often a background process that analyzes the “perfect” person and quickly compares who they are, what you see, or what you assume about them with who you are. “Who you are,” in this instance, means everything about you, like your skills, abilities, characteristics, and interests. If you find they have things you’d prefer to have or have things you think you should have (because of what others/society say), you may unknowingly or knowingly take that as a reason to be unhappy or feel bad. Why do humans do this?

Everyone has their unique reasons, but some of us may do this to show ourselves that we dislike our current state and would prefer to improve ourselves to have traits/characteristics/etc similar to the perfect person we’re seeing. In some cases, we may do this because we were unknowingly taught or believe we’re supposed to feel bad whenever we see someone we or others consider “perfect.” 

There is no universal law that says you have to feel bad when you encounter others who seem perfect with more desirable traits than you. There are people in society who think and believe that you should, but they are humans just like you; if your goal is to be free of anxiety and emotional pain, you will have to break free from thinking like these people who may believe their way of thinking is right.

Is anyone actually perfect? Others may have things you prefer and live a life you prefer, but your internal peace is at stake if you take these realities as reasons to feel bad about yourself. We (humans) may fear that if we didn’t feel bad about not being at the same level as others in certain domains, we wouldn’t put in work to improve ourselves, but is that true?

If we genuinely want to change something, then we are going to put in the work. If we don’t put in the work, then we probably don’t really want to make a change, and as long as we don’t look to others to determine if our lack of desire is ok, we can be at peace with our decision. Keep in mind that just because you don’t want to change or improve something now doesn’t mean you won’t have motivation to change in the future. We also suggest you recognize you can often only improve so many things at once. 

Some people you think are “perfect” may think they’re special

Parts of society appear to believe that people with certain traits deserve certain privileges. If we were to ask these individuals–those who think certain people deserve special privileges–why they think like this, they may not have an answer. The idea that certain people should get special privileges came from a human(s) or some other entity in the world. If it came from humans, why would their opinions be more important than your own? If we’re not careful, we can sometimes let the opinions of others dictate what we think is true or whether we feel ok about ourselves.

Some humans may have things we want or are highly valued by society, but they are still a human. Unless the creator of earth ordained that some people deserve special privileges because of how they were born or what they have, the idea that some people should have more privileges than others is not a universal truth.

Sometimes we may care about what “perfect” people think about us

We may be afraid of them looking at us negatively or judging us because we’ve given their opinion special privileges or importance. We may have attached our internal peace to aspects of their perception and what they think about us. We no longer have to do this. Note: Some people (we call idealized people) know that others treat them differently because of the characteristics or things they have. Depending on the personality of the idealized person, they may use the special treatment people show them to influence others for their personal gain.

In some cases we may fear that these perfect people are going to take our behaviors or actions and think something we don’t like or agree with. You can now be ok with this knowing that they are just a human. Not being ok with them drawing a conclusion about you that you disagree with or prefer they don’t have puts you at risk of experiencing anxiety or emotional pain whenever you’re around them. That’s why we suggest you do the work to be ok with this happening now, to emotionally protect yourself in the future. Details on how to do this work are here.

Those who believe their opinion is special or should be listened to by default may make you uncomfortable

You can eliminate this discomfort by remembering that what they believe is unique to them and doesn’t have to determine what you think or believe. After realizing this, you have to do the work to be okay with them having different views or beliefs than you. Some of those who think their opinion is special may think that your decisions and behaviors are or will be influenced because of their opinion. You probably prefer for this not to be the case, but for you to have internal peace, you must be ok with them erroneously thinking this. They may be right at times (which you can be ok with because you aren’t perfect) but as you do more inner work which this site helps you do, their assumption will likely be more wrong than not.

Sometimes, opinions from “perfect” people don’t matter at all

1. If the opinion has nothing to do with your objective or goal, you may find that there is no benefit to considering their opinion.
2. If you’re using their opinions to predict future scenarios, just know that there is no data that suggests anyone, even with past data or experience, can predict the future with 100% accuracy. Also, if you are unable to be ok with the future, you’re trying to predict–which you probably want to avoid–then you have revealed a situation that is causing you emotional pain. You can take time and find out why you wouldn’t be ok with that potential future. As long as you’re not ok with it, it will be a source of emotional pain or anxiety for you. This doesn’t mean you want that future to happen but that you’d choose internal peace if even if it did.

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